Insult to Injury

So, we'd moved, put our house on the market, I'd started school, we were learning about a new area of the country, trying to find a daycare so that the wife could work while I went to school, and now, we had to learn about autism.

The first thing we found out is that no daycare will accept children with autism. Oops.

Um, we've already taken out loans for my schooling, and we're past the refund period, school is during the day, and now my wife can't get a day job to pay for our living expenses because our son can't be in a daycare program? How's that supposed to work?

Let's heap a little more on to that! Our son no longer responds to his name, doesn't want to wear clothing, thinks feces is the greatest paint on earth, will sit and watch water pour from a garden hose for hours on end, likes to sit in the middle of the parking lot and drop rocks down the drain grate, won't eat table food, and will 'melt down' if we try to get him to do anything he doesn't want to do.

Hmm, let's also add a little dash of constant stares because our son still drinks from a bottle at age 3, slap in a little embarrassment in because he can't stand solid foods, (he will throw up at the drop of a hat) and so he only eats baby food.

Mix in a little of the snide comments from people standing in line behind us at the grocery store who have no fucking idea what it's like not to sleep for days on end while he escapes from his crib and moans or comes to us silently demanding a bottle refill by pressing the empty into our sleeping faces.

Dumps every building block he owns out on the floor, tears every piece of tissue from the box to leave them covering the blocks. Try walking on that in the dark and not making a sound because his hyper-sensitive hearing would wake him up.

Oh yeah, I also love it when he climbs into a laundry basket with his blanket and just sits. Too tired to do anything, including walk, for hours during the day, but then can disappear at any moment unless we keep the door barricaded.

Did I mention how much I hate cleaning feces from walls, cribs, mattresses, sheets, children's hair, fingernails, and carpets?

Oh yeah, then have the facilities people at our apartment complex bring in a service to spray pesticide around the entrances to our apartments, bury more in the area where my wife is trying to plant flowers, while my son plays endlessly with the water hose in the dirt, so that they can start allowing large dogs on the property. Can't have empty apartments because they're too expensive now can we? We got our first seizure from that one. . .

Then, my wife and I get called hysterical and that we are desperate to find someone or something to blame for our son's autism. Are you kidding me?!

A River in Egypt - Denial

Let's see, how many ways can you think of to come up with excuses as to why your son doesn't talk, won't make eye contact, and spends hours, (like 3 hours or more at a time) rolling a ball down a tilted box?

My wife started to worry about him way before I did. She's smart, even if she does bite every now and again. . .

We got the usual comments,

"Einstein didn't talk until he was [insert some absurd number here]!"

"Children who are really smart develop slower."

"Don't worry, all kids are different!"

"He's such a quiet child."

Both of us were new at parenting, but being a new parent had a side effect. I couldn't answer a simple question: "Is this normal compared to other children?"

I don't mean the stimming, I knew that wasn't right, but again, I was desperately paddling upstream on that river in Egypt, but the speech and lack of interaction with anyone was starting to penetrate the foot-thick armor surrounding my senses.

I kinda remembered what I was like growing up, and being the oldest, I remember a little of what younger siblings were like, but not clear memories. More like the flashes you get when visiting an elementary school after not being in one for years.

Looking back, I can see that his behavior wasn't normal, and the warning signs were all there, but hindsight is always 20/20.

We were also right in the middle of a major change in our lives, moving a thousand miles for a change in my career. While not an excuse, (nothing is) I know it was a distraction for both of us.